joshguessed

161st Ask Josh – By the Grace of Jimmer

In Uncategorized on February 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Nobody asked, “Josh, do you have anything to say on Jimmer? Any jokes of your own?”

….

And since nobody asked, I am brought to bring it up myself.

First of all, for readers that don’t follow BYU basketball, our star player Jimmer Fredette is having a great season. This is what he looks like:

It’s no surprise to anyone on campus when he puts up over 40 points in a given night. There are a lot of Jimmer fans out there. It has become a nationwide craze known as Jimmermania. One student who disapproved of what she saw as an excess of decalogue-breaching proportions submitted this letter to the Daily Universe:

I can’t walk across campus without hearing Jimmer Fredette’s name a dozen times. His name comes up everywhere: in class, at work, during lunch … really, people? Cut it out with the Jimmer worship. Last time I checked, idol worship was very much frowned upon in the scriptures. Don’t you have a life to live? Then quit wasting it in front of the TV or in lines at the Marriott Center. At the very least, stop trying to convert those of us who don’t follow BYU sports and don’t care that baseball and badminton are two different things. Pushing basketball on us isn’t going to make us like it any better. I’m not blaming Jimmer for all this; was it Nephi’s fault in the Book of Mormon when his brothers worshiped him? As far as I’m concerned, Jimmer is perfectly free to live his dreams. If he reaches his goals and lives his dreams, more power to him. I would like the same courtesy from his fans: let me live my own dreams in peace, even if they don’t include ever sitting in the Marriott Center screaming my brains out. (Emphases added)

Michelle Peralta – Apple Valley, Calif.

Immediately following Ms. Peralta’s letter, her Facebook page was “Jimmered” with disagreements both serious and mocking of her commandment to cut out the worship of Jimmer. She has since disappeared from Facebook. And the reaction was big enough to get posted on ESPN.
The ESPN reporter’s take on the reaction:
None of the comments (at least none that I read, and I spent a solid 40 minutes reading through them) are overtly angry, profane, unintelligent or mean. Instead, they’re hilarious. They combine Chuck Norris jokes with obscure bits of Jimmer-appropriated scripture. I suppose this is what happens when you mix the intelligent sarcasm of your average college student with the religious knowledge you’d expect from kids at a devotional school like Brigham Young.
While I have to smirk at the general outpouring of Jimmer worship jokes, on the record I have to officially denounce those which place Jimmer’s name within actual scriptural references. Thus, my list of quotable Jimmer jokes is confined to those which are based on apocryphal, mythologized, or doctrinally false religious references.

My Top 3:

3. “One day when you are in the spirit world, you will be enthralled by those you are associated with…. And as you are standing there in amazement, someone will turn to you and ask you which ..time did you live in? And when you say ‘Jimmer’ a hush will fall over every hall and corridor in Heaven, and all in attendance will bow at your presence.”

2. “Jimmer never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it.”

1. “When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that Jimmer carried you.”

Honorable Mention: “Double Jimmer all the way across the sky.”

As far as original Jimmer jokes, I haven’t thought of many. Here’s what I have off the top of my head:

“My marriage consists of me, my wife, and Jimmer. And the closer we are to Jimmer, the closer we are to each other.”

“I saw Jimmer’s face in a tortilla.”

“All your base are belong to Jimmer.”


“You know, Jimmer hates democrats.”

“If Jimmer had a name, what would it be and would you call it to his face?”

“Use German for medicine, English for business, French for romance, and Spanish for talking to Jimmer.”

“Clapton is Jimmer.”

Also, I enjoy taking Jimmer’s name in vain since there is no irreverence in my mind here, Jimmer is my witness.

  • Oh dear Jimmer!
  • Jimmer, no!
  • Jimmer forbid!
  • Mother of Jimmer!
  • Act of Jimmer.
  • Jimmer!
  • Oh my Jimmer!
  • Jimmer help us!
  • Jimmerspeed.
  • [sneeze!] Jimmer bless you.
  • I award you no points, and may Jimmer have mercy on your soul.
  • Jimmer darn it!
  • Jimmer’s gonna cut you down.
  • Jimmer awful.
  • Jimmer forsaken.
  • For Jimmer’s sake!
  • Jimmer grant.
  • Jimmer beer me strength.
  • Jimmer willing.
  • Please Jimmer.
  • Jimmerfather.
  • Jimmermother.
  • Fairy Jimmermother.
  • Playing Jimmer.
  • City of Jimmer.
  • “The Jimmers Must Be Crazy!”
  • “Waiting for Jimmerot”
  • Thank Jimmer it’s Friday
  • “Agnes of Jimmer”
  • “Jimmer told me to.”
  • “Their Eyes Were Watching Jimmer”
  • “72 Names of Jimmer”
  • “Jimmer is Brazilian”
  • “Jimmers and Generals”
  • Separation of Jimmer and State.
  • Jimmer is great.
  • Jimmer send me a man.
  • So help me Jimmer.
  • Jimmer is my witness.
  • “If Jimmer is willing and da creek don’t rise.”
  • Jimmer-given rights.
  • Wrath of Jimmer
  • The Jimmer Particle
  • “Veggie Tales: Where’s Jimmer When…?”
  • I swear to Jimmer.
  • Jimmer’s gift to women.
  • Jimmer’s Army
  • Jimmer Save the King
  • Vaya con Jimmer (pronounced HE-mare)

And if anybody says something I disagree with, I tack on the end of my rebuttal, “You know, Jimmer detests people who believe the Constitution is a living breathing document.”

I also thought it might be funny for students to start a Church club called the “Jimmer’s Witnesses.” But I think it would be difficult to distinguish their brand when they go out knocking doors.

Jimmer be with you ’til we meet again,
Josh
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  1. Great post, Josh. I graduated from BYU last year. I don't remember people being very into basketball while I was there. I don't know if we had a good team or not. But nobody really talked about it.I'm kind of removed from all things Provo right now, but news about this Jimmer guy (Is that his real name?) has made it into some national papers. I had never heard of him until a few weeks ago. I felt like I'd been living under a rock. But then I realized that no one here (D.C.), other than Mormons, knows who he is either. Maybe that will change.-Michael

  2. My personal favorite: "I award you no points, and may Jimmer have mercy on your soul."Here are a few that came to my mind:"Are you there Jimmer? It’s me Margaret."“On my honour I promise that I will do my best—To do my duty to Jimmer and my Country”"Jimmer Complex"“Cleanliness is next to Jimmerliness” "O’ Jimmer Mío!""What if Jimmer was one of us . . . just a slob like one of us?”“Our Jimmer is an awesome Jimmer.”By the hand of Jimmer. The Jimmer of rock and roll.We fixin’ to have a “come to Jimmer.”

  3. There but for the grace of Jimmer go I.

  4. Jimmer take the wheel

  5. I laughed out loud at this post.

  6. YOU ARE HILARIOUS. Hilarious, Josh.LOVED this post.*muah*P.S. You're #3, was my #1.

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