joshguessed

152nd Ask Josh – Fair Turnaround Play

In Uncategorized on February 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Anonymous said…

 

How do you get a girl to give you a second chance when you treated her poorly and tried to get her to not like you before?  And how do I get her number again so I can contact her?

 

…..

 

Dear friend,

 

First, I sure hope your treating her poorly did not include any kind of verbal, emotional or physical abuse. In which case I would be loath to help you lest you repeat any such atrocities. But, if you mean by treating poorly that you were the indifferent to her attempts at getting to know you better, that I can understand.

 

The first literary example that comes to mind is that of Benedick, a young lord of Padua, in William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. Benedick, a young lord of Padua, swears, “I will live a bachelor … [ere I die, I will look pale] With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with love… [and] If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot me” [I, i, 257-68].

 

Regarding Beatrice, Benedick gave most unkind words to describe the woman he would later grow fond of. He said of her, “indeed, all disquiet, horror and perturbation follow her” [II, i, 270-1]. The Bard’s way of saying she is a needy Facebook stalker perhaps? Or just not quite what you’re looking for right now?

 

Then, while speaking to himself, Benedick notes that if he ever did look to marry any woman, she would have to possess all the traits of being fair, wise, virtuous, rich, noble, mild, an excellent musician and so forth. Sounds like a list you may have made for yourself when you pictured your future love. Benedick sees none of these things in Beatrice. Shortly after he overhears Don Pedro and Claudio speaking in secret how Beatrice possesses all such qualities. Benedick has his awakening and decides to pursue her.

 

Well, what does he do? He promises to do anything Beatrice tells him to do. Too bad her one task is for him to kill a guy. Notwithstanding, he undertakes it and challenges the man she wishes dead.

 

So, if you are to win the heart of this girl you once maltreated you are going to have to humble yourself and admit your wrong and provide full disclosure as to the what and why behind your actions of treating her poorly. You will indeed have to make amends and show by your actions the depth and sincerity of your regret. It will not be enough to just tell her you have changed your mind about her. You must swallow that pride of yours and ask her forgiveness if you are to ever begin a dating relationship with any possibility of success. Flowers, chocolates, and balloons will not be nearly so meaningful as your honesty, sincerity and gentlemanliness. Tears may be in order depending on how much of a turnaround you have actually experienced.

 

You have to treat her like a princess this time around. You have to open the doors, offer your arm, respect her opinion and time. You must put her happiness before yours if you want to get any kind of happiness in this relationship you have heretofore failed to nurture properly or maturely. It can be done. You must do all you can and then respect her choice.

 

As regards getting her number, try asking her for it. If she is not available, try mutual friends, then public directories, and then social networking sites. If those do not work ask me and I shall undertake it.

 

Best wishes,

 

Josh

 

 

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