144th Ask Josh – Man Fishing

In Uncategorized on June 14, 2009 at 10:55 am

jc said…

Josh say a girl likes a guy, what can she do to get the guy. What are things they can do and things they shouldnt do to get the guys attention. How can we clue you guys in with out being to blunt, or do guys like that? I think this could be very helpful coming from a guys perspective. Thanks


Dear jc,

How appropriate of you. This is my 144th Ask Josh. That’s a dozen dozen questions answered. That’s a gross. This is my gross post. You know what else is gross? Getting a guy.

First of all, if you want to get the guy, you have to get out of the mindset that your story is going to be like the fairy tale endings in movies like Sleepless in Seattle or Pride & Prejudice. Yes, it would be nice to run into Mr. Darcy in the woods and have him declare his love for you after pretending to not give you the time of day. And who wouldn’t want to hear Tom Hanks talk about his deceased wife over a nationally syndicated radio show and then meet you on the top of the Empire State building?

Based on what I have seen, women love chick flick and chick lit endings on paper only. For example, if a guy, say Noah on The Notebook, actually hung from a Ferris wheel and promised to commit suicide if you didn’t go out with him, would you really clutch your chest and say, “that is soooo sweet.” You wouldn’t, would you? But you did when you saw it, didn’t you?

If you want to get a guy, get real.

That being said, I suppose your question is asking me how forward can you be with guys without coming off as desperate, or “blunt” as you call it.

You have to understand that guys are like balloons. Some can take a lot of pressure and never seem to pop. Others pop at random times with no provocation at all. Some guys do not want to be spoken with at all and just looking at them will cause them to flee, or “pop” in accordance with the balloon analogy. Some require it or will do nothing.

If you are tired of waiting for a guy to ask you out, I have both good news and bad news for you. First, the good news. From Emily Post on Etiquette:

“Fortunately, dating etiquette has changed. Women don’t have to sit by the phone hoping someone will call. … When two people meet and sense that they would like to spend more time together, either may initiate a date.” [HarperCollins: New York. 1995. p. 6]

The bad news: most men I know don’t know this, or if they do, they don’t believe in it. But if you want to ask a guy out and he is offended by it, then shame on him.

Sometimes you just need the guy to get to know you better and it should take care of itself. If that is the case, then invite him over to play Apples to Apples at a game night with various friends. Apples to Apples is fun, no matter what.

Curses is not fun. Don’t play that game. I always ask for curses and as soon as I get three collected, I blow them all immediately so I can go home.

Don’t call him just to talk. That’s worse than curses. Call with a purpose, and when you have fulfilled your purpose, end the conversation without forcing him to say, “Well, I gotta go.” And don’t say, “well, I guess I’d better let you go.” That’s conversationally fishing for compliments. You may as well beg him to tell you this conversation is going well and that he wants to keep talking.

Economist Nat Harward said, “You gotta remember, in the dating economy, the man is the dating supplier. You don’t want to be demanding something he’s not supplying. And if the guy is not supplying opportunities, then, gurl, you outta luck. He just may be supplying in other markets.”

Sorry, economically speaking, guys are still the price makers, and women are still the price takers. We determine how much we are willing to invest and potentially lose in the dating world. And you still may have to accept the offers as they come or hold out in hopes of getting a better offer.

If you don’t like it. You can take sides with Mrs. Banks in the movie Mary Poppins, “Although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid.”

So, if you’re going to take the initiative, then I say, “Go get ’em.”

If you’re going to wait, then I say, “Go get got.”



  1. you know what else is gross? that you're so well-versed in chick flicks

  2. This was pure genius Josh!

  3. Dear Josh,I am kind of starting to wonder if the the question I asked you was insurmountable even for Josh Guest. The question I am referring to is what do I need to know about the Baton Rouge Louisiana Spanish speaking mission? If incapable to complete I fully understand and will have lost no respect for you. You are still a hero in my eyes.

  4. Dear Josh,I am kind of starting to wonder if the the question I asked you was insurmountable even for Josh Guest. The question I am referring to is what do I need to know about the Baton Rouge Louisiana Spanish speaking mission? If incapable to complete I fully understand and will have lost no respect for you. You are still a hero in my eyes.D-Rob

  5. i like it.-alan's daughter

  6. Excellent post, Josh. Excellent. In other news. I know you are a huge "So you think you can dance" fan. Would you care to rank your favorite dances? With youtube clips preferably.

  7. Hahah, oh man, I miss you guys.

  8. Good work as always, Josh.I will correct you on one item.Producers (guys) are price takers. The price is set by the demand curve, which is the collection of preferences of the demanders (girls).This is good news for girls, especially those who have the opposite problem of jc–trying to shrug of would-be date producers they aren't interested in (a position which I believe any girl, jc included, will find herself in at least a handful of times).A girl can set her own standards–price, figuratively speaking–for dates, and if a guy's production doesn't meet that standard, she's not obligated agree to an exchange.There are lots of "prices" in dating: time, fun, commitment, intimacy, dollars, privacy, trust, energy, humor, etc. Sometimes we get confused about which of these prices we really care for–each "purchases" something different. Girls, you don't have to accept what you don't want.This puts responsibility on guys to produce dates that meet a girl's varied preferences and are competitive. And yes, competition is good; having options is empowering.The dating market is complicated. But you can succeed if you embrace your role and seek to find out others' preferences while appropriately sharing yours.—————————————NOTE: The author's failure to be in a committed relationship during the last four years says nothing about the veracity of these statements. Of a surety, they are truth.

  9. very interesting, my mom told me that it should be the guy to ask you out like it was mainly in the old days, i thought if i even try to ask a guy then i would be hurting myself, what can i say i stutter, words are hard to say when the answer might be NO !

  10. Josh—I need to interview an LDS veteran of WWII for a paper…do you know any?How can I find one?-The Patriot

  11. i'm losing faith in you.

  12. Josh, why the lack of posts? is it lack of questions?Why awful ordeal can be compared to the LSAT?How did you celebrate your independence day?How do you know so many people at BYU (at least on facebook for everyone I'm friends with at BYU you're a common friend, even people not in broadcast)Should we go on a date sometime?That's like five questions for you to go rampant with…ready, set, go!

  13. I love this post! I asked Paul out first. When I was leaving to go home from my mission, my mission president was talking about getting married and seeking a companion. ANd I asked, "What about us sister?" And he wisely said, "Well, society has changed and you can't just sit around waiting to get asked out anymore." So I set a goal that night to ask out 3 guys a semester, just to show the Lord that I was willing to put myself out there and be more daring than I had been in the past. And what do you know, Paul was #3 my second semester home!And, I hate Curses too.

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