joshguessed

125th Ask Josh – Fish in the Sea

In Uncategorized on March 26, 2009 at 7:19 am

marisalisa said…

josh i’m pretty sure i’m your soul mate but we’ll talk about that later. 

so this one time you were talking about the alpha male and the beta male and i said something about eating all the other fish and i asked if you would blog about it. so… will you blog about it?

….

Dear Marisa,

You know why we might be soulmates? It’s because you gave me a yes or no question. These are always easy.

No, I would not blog about beta fish unless asked to.

But here are a list of some good “there are plenty of fish in the sea” jokes. Note: These are not all original, most are plagiarized.

Just imagine these after saying, “There are plenty of fish in the sea…”

“…the problem is you don’t have any bait.”
“…but I hate fishing.”
“…the problem is that you’re a sea cow.”
“…but you’re nowhere near that sea.”
“…which must make it hurt all the more to know that none of them like you.”
“…and yours has likely been deformed by industrial dumping.”
“…but most of them would rather cheat on you with other fish.”
“…you’re just not much of a hooker.”
“…and you’re scaring them all away.”
“…but yours was canned and labeled ‘chicken’ a long time ago.”
“…but yours died in the war in heaven.”
“…but you’re just too much of a New Jersey fish, Zack.”
“…but Casey is taken and is already spawning.”
“…and they all stink.”
“…but you’re casting the wrong way.”
“…but you’re on the wrong side of the boat. And you stink.”
“…but you’re using the same can of bait your dad used back in 1969 [Thanks, Nat].”
“…but yours are all giving up on men and going on missions.”
“…but you let your mother make all your decisions for you.”
“…but I don’t even know how your parents were able to find each other, but the chances of that happening to you are like one in 3-billion.”
“…but they all have commitment issues.”
“…but you text all the time.”
“…but none of them are going to call you back.”
“…but you’re going on a mission.”
“…but they all think they’re marrying The Little Mermaid.”
“…and none of them care that you’re going to chiropractic school.”
“…but they swim away when you swear at sporting events, Bryce.”
“…and all the ones that like Neil Diamond are too old.”
“…but the only way you’d get one is if it were trapped in the same bowl with you.”
“…maybe if more of them were suckers…”
“…and they don’t like anything like the ones in National Geographic.”
“…the yellow one is the sun. The yellow one is the sun.”
“…you moron.
“…didn’t you see The Perfect Storm? Hello!”
“…but you ride a unicycle to school.”
“…but you’re swimming in the wrong school [for all you UVU kids out there].”
“…but you have to swim upstream.”
“…but you’re a psychology major.”


Love,

Josh
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  1. speaking of fish, josh,what happens if one leaves a tuna fish sandwich out overnight?

  2. and josh, what would happen if you ate it?

  3. Psychology major, eh? Haha… thanks.

  4. Is that the experiment? You’re apartment is going to smell funny.. oh wait…. I like the one about the hooker

  5. Depends which friends, haha. I thought they all hated me. I must be out of the doghouse. I’m fine with it if you’re fine with it. Anyone not associated with my mission or my extended family would be very positive at this point.

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