joshguessed

103rd Ask Josh – Being 101.

In Uncategorized on February 3, 2009 at 8:38 am

Natalie said…

Hey Josh,

Can I be 101? You still haven’t answered my question from before

Love Natalie





……


Dear Natalie,


Yes you can be 101.  But I can’t make you 101. 


But you can help your chances by eating plenty of leafy green vegetables, omega-3 fatty acids, monounsaturated fatty acids,  You’re going to want to eat lots of deep green vegetables, red vegetables, yellow/orange vegetables, and purple vegetables. After all, you don’t want to live life without your antioxidants, carotenoids, or your bioflavonoids.


Eat your fiber, fish, and calcium-rich foods. Personally, I love whole milk. Drink a lot of water, too. But don’t drink ice water. Drink room temperature water, from the tap. None of this bottled water business, either. Bottled water is trying to kill you.


Stay away from soy. Soy is trying to kill you. Tofu, too.


Watch your cholesterol.


Wear sunblock.


Drink prune juice.


Learn to enjoy classic movies. When you get to that old age, you might be watching a lot of movies. So you better learn to enjoy them, otherwise those last 31 years will be a real drag, man.


Exercise regularly, do at least 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise 3 times a week. 


Or you could just be this guy:






Go to Church.


Don’t open doorknobs with your mouth.


Don’t ski.


Learn to laugh at anything and everything. This will make you happy and healthy, anyone who tells you otherwise is jealous and sad, and is going to die soon.


Or just be this guy:


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Sleep 7-9 hours every day. 


Practice playing an instrument for at least one hour per week to prevent Alzheimer’s from getting to you.


Consider a daily vitamin supplement.


And have a nice day.


Love,


Josh




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  1. Soy is also trying to make me gay.

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