Archive for January, 2009|Monthly archive page

101st Ask Josh – Broadway/Opera

In Uncategorized on January 28, 2009 at 7:39 am

Broadway baby said…

Josh I love you so much. I hope one day we pick out wedding china together. What is your favorite opera and which is your favorite broadway musical? Which would you rather go to see?


Dear Broadway baby,

Thank you. I’m so flattered that of all the people in the world, you think that I would have anything good to say about someone else’s wedding china.

Mi favorite opera would have to be Verdi’s La Traviata. I realize the story is rather… well, typical of any opera. But the music is fantastic! I love singing Libiamo as well as Sempre Libera:

My favorite broadway musical would have to be a tossup between Wicked , Oklahoma, Sound of Music, West Side Story and the Music Man. But in the end I would have to go with Wicked. Sorry if that sounds like I am just being trendy. I really love the music, the story, the message. It’s all fantastic.

I have seen the Music Man live a few times and I always love the opening scene.

And I love the soundtrack from Wicked: “Popular”, “I’m Not That Girl”, “Defying Gravity”, and, of course, “For Good.”

Given the choice between watching the opera and broadway, would depend on the venue. If I could pick where I saw them I would go with la Traviata at the Sydney Opera House in Australia. That way I can knock out two life goals at once.  If it was based on pure entertainment value, I would have to go with broadway. How could I possibly be expected to resist the dancing in Oklahoma, the jokes in the Music Man, the mobs in Les Miserables, incredible fusion of jazz and ballet in West Side Story, everything in Beauty and the Beast, I love it all!

Good question.



100th Ask Josh – Blind Date for Josh

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Christopher said…

Would you like to go on a date with my friend? I think she would like your sense of humor.
If you want to, I’ll give you her number or something. 


Dear Christopher,

Sure. Even if you thought she wouldn’t like my sense of humor.



99th Ask Josh – Somebody to like

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Dear Josh,


As a girl at BYU, I came with the idea that I would have dates every Friday and Saturday night, before too long I would meet an ambitious future senator, doctor or lawyer, and we would be married before I graduated, at the latest. 
I can’t even find a guy that I could be close friends with, let alone a relationship where we would ever consider marriage. I’m beginning to think he doesn’t exist. I served a mission. I felt like maybe that would make me more spiritually attractive, give me more in common with the RM of my dreams… the older I get, the more it seems that this RM only exists in my dreams. 
It just seems like I’ve done what I need to to be entitled to this dream man of mine. 
It seems like there are some guys that would have this problem too…
I don’t know what I want to ask. I’m just venting. Thoughts?

I know you’re not a big fan of anonymity, but…
please understand why I’m not listing my name.


Anonymously yours,


Lost Hope



Dear Anonymous,


I find your question quite timely, seeing how we are currently in engagement season of the year when our friends who were just as single as you were a couple months ago are now and asking you to join their Facebook club requesting addresses, and there you are with no club to call your own saying, “Anonymous and Dream Man are ‘sealing the deal'” or “Anonymous and Dream man are getting married and need your address!”


According to a BYU census, 78% of us at the University are single. So, in the words of Billy Joel, we are among those that are “sharing a drink they call ‘loneliness.'” While that may be a dim prospect, Joel submitted, “It’s better than drinking alone.”


I hear complaints on both sides of the line, women at BYU who don’t ever go out on dates like they had planned, men at BYU who don’t feel like there is anyone to go out with, and both sides lamenting that all the good ones are married already.


A topic like this has bounced around my circle of friends. I look at them and could not imagine a finer group of young bachelors. They all go on a hefty amount of dates, and yet, like those who identify with the words of the U2 song, they “still haven’t found what [they’re] looking for.”


Maybe that’s our problem. Maybe we’re looking for the wrong thing. You’re looking for the doctor or the senator, and we’re looking for the talented, funny, spiritual, athletic girl who can work a room, fix a car, cook up a storm, and age without aging, has perfect ankles, earlobes not attached directly to her head, pioneer stock, etc.


I used to not have a problem with that attitude. Whenever we made a list of the characteristics of that perfect man or woman, we were told right after, “If you ever found someone like that, why would they have any interest in you?” Then our YM/YW leaders told us that we have to hold ourselves to the same standard and that lesson is worth a whole different blog post entirely.


Armed with that counsel, I made it a personal mission of mine to be the perfect man, completely irresistible to that perfect woman as soon as I found her. I worked my butt off in school, I learned to dance, never missed seminary, earned that Eagle Scout, got into BYU, played all the sports, participated in all the clubs, bought all the Jane Austen books, memorized Shakespeare, practiced piano, learned to sing and act, learned about the arts, learned to enjoy the ballet and broadway musicals, adopted the attitudes and personas of the great movie characters, served an honorable full-time mission, did (and still do) all the things I thought the perfect woman would be looking for. For whatever reason, I’m no closer to getting married than I was the day I got home from my mission.


Allow me to be personal and chiasmatic for a moment. Forgive me if I come off as a sympathy-seeker. I tell myself that I can learn to love anyone. Love doesn’t seem to be an issue after having lived with siblings, companions, and roommates of all types and personalities. The issue challenge is not in finding someone to love but someone to like. I have taken out just a handful of girls where I finished the date and thought, “I really really like that girl.” But it doesn’t work out. I get back from dates sometimes and say to myself, “She’s great. But I don’t really really like her.” Or, “I have no complaints about her, I’m just not in love with the woman.”  And I silently sigh and think to myself, “Am I not allowed to be with someone I really really like?” Or to borrow the words of Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof, “Would it spoil some vast eternal plan [if I found someone I really really liked]?” I tell myself that I can force myself to love anyone, that’s not the challenge (knowing from Dan in Real Life that “love isn’t a feeling, it’s an ability”); the challenge is in finding someone I like. Now if I have come off as trying to get sympathy, please forgive me. I just wanted to be a bit chiasmatic and personal for a moment.


There is not much more that I have to say on the subject for right now, since you didn’t even really ask a question in the first place. I’ll close with this final thought that is not even my own. President Hinckley quoted this newspaper column by a man named Sydney Harris. It read like this:


One of the grand errors we tend to make when we are young is supposing that a person is a bundle of qualities, and we add up the individual’s good and bad qualities, like a bookkeeper working on debits and credits.

If the balance is favorable, we may decide to take the jump [into marriage]. . . . The world is full of unhappy men and women who married their mates because . . . it seemed to be a good investment.

Love, however, is not an investment; it is an adventure. And when the marriage turns out to be as dull and comfortable as a sound investment, the disgruntled party soon turns elsewhere for adventure, . . .

Ignorant people are always saying, “I wonder what he sees in her,” not realizing that what he sees in her (and what no one else can see in her) is the secret essence of love.

Entering a marriage calmly and rationally is like dancing a bacchanal calmly and rationally; it is a contradiction in terms. It takes into account everything except what is important–the spirit. [“Love and Marriage,” Deseret News, 18 October 1977]





98th Ask Josh – John Asker

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 4:33 pm

The Captain asked via facebook…

Who asked if John C. was single?


Dear Captain,

It was Aimee.



97th Ask Josh – fuana eyes

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Gold Reflector said…

Josh, if Aimee had fuana colored eyes, would you like her more?
Dear Gold Reflector,
Nothing Aimee does could possibly get me to like her more. And come to think of it, nothing she could ever do could make me like her any less.

96th Ask Josh – Flora or something else

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Aimee asked via gChat…

who do you like better–flora or fuana?
Dear Aimee,
Flora is not a person, and fuana is not a word.  So I would have to say both.

95th Ask Josh – Aimee’s Dating Life

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 12:39 pm
John asked…
Is Aimee with the face dating anyone?
Dear John,
Hey, that's the first time I could actually use that phrase without breaking up a relationship that never was.
Like you, Aimee doesn't pick up the phone when I call. So I got her to chat with me. Here is the record of our conversation

11:32 AM me: Hey
  Are you dating anyone?
  I have to know
 Aimee: NOPE!
  am i ever dating anyone?
 me: What do you intend to do about it?
  So your missionary gets home on June 2?
  Where is he?
  What's his name?
 Aimee: i intend to sit in the corner and wait until someone comes to me
11:33 AM he is in madrid
  but are you going to use all this info on your blog?
 me: Yeah
  Someone posted a question if Aimee was dating anyone
  I have to do it for the people
  Oh, and don't forget your recommend.
11:34 AM I am posting this directly to the blog.
 Aimee: your blog is dumb
  and boring
 me: It's too late to go off the record.
  Tell me something I don't know.
 Aimee: this kid sitting at our table is annoyed with us
 me: I just high fived him, it worked on the second try
11:35 AM Aimee: i know
 me: "Money in the house" I said.
  He seemed to agree.
 Aimee: josh you look hot right now
  so hot
 me: Alright, anything else you want to say to the people?
11:36 AM Very well, let the record show that Aimee Archibald has nothing more to say.
  Let the record show that Aimee said outloud, "Josh, you are a complete…"
  "No, I don't want to chat."
  "You guys have a lot of drama"

Love always,

94th Ask Josh – John Crespo’s Dating Life

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Anonymous said…

Is John Crespo dating someone?
Dear Anonymous,
I tried calling John Crespo twice as soon as I got your question. But it sounds like he isn’t picking up.  So I’m just going to throw caution to the wind and say, “Yes. John is dating someone.” 
Wait, he just called back. His answer, “No. What do you mean ‘dating’?”
He has a question for you, Anonymous: “Who are you? And is Josh Guest dating anyone?”
Anyway, he asked you, not me. So I am not obligated to answer that.
Thanks for asking. 

93rd Ask Josh – Comms 325

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 1:11 am

Dear Josh,
Why does 325 feel like it’s kicking my butt? I want to cry half the time and the other time I’m trying to figure out how anyone survived this class
– your trusty colleague,


Dear Natalie,

Comms 325 is kicking your butt because you don’t know the first thing about broadcast journalism.  And you know what? That’s cool, baby. Just brush your shoulders off and walk it out.

Just know that no matter how bad you do, you’ll never be as bad as this guy:

Know this: Many have gone before. Many will come after. Lesser women have gotten through it.  And you are in arguably the best broadcast journalism program in the world.  It should hurt. It should feel like a class where only the best future journalists of the world make it through. 

The value of anything is what you pay for it. Your money aside, your parents’ money aside, the Church’s money aside, the widows’ mites aside, all the blood, toil, tears, and sweat in the name of your education will be the prices you pay to make it… well… priceless.

Keep at it. If this is the worst thing to ever happen to you, consider yourself the luckiest person in the world.

Happy Chinese New Year.



92nd Ask Josh – Owning Up

In Uncategorized on January 16, 2009 at 8:21 am

Lindsay said…

afraid to own up?
Dear Lindsay,
This is not whether I am afraid to own up. I am not afraid to own up. No. I just can't afford up. So I choose to borrow up until I can get a down payment for a mortgage for up. I actually am more afraid of leasing up than I am of owning up, the timing just isn't right now since  I don't have much contributing margin on my balance sheet. I would rent up, but I don't like the idea of just using some stranger's up.
Which brings us to the next question: What is up?
I have oft borrowed from a scout camp counselor named Zane that up is a two-letter word consisting of a u and a p in which the u precedes the p, and is also the opposite direction of the current pull of gravity.
Which brings me to your final question: Why don't I just go back to writing my own questions? Because I can't. Ain't nobody do it like the people do it.  If you think I can't write a good answer, you should see my questions.  Nevertheless, I will attempt to ask some questions that I have been hoping that people would ask but never have.  
So, readers, if you want me to make up a question for you, simply say so. If you have some kind of a broad general interest, just jot any information that would be useful for me to write a question that sounds like it came from you, and we will start working it out. Or, if you want me to make up a question on behalf of a friend of yours, an enemy, a celebrity, an inanimate object (for example, a large can of tomato paste might want to know where baby tomato paste cans come from, you know the little 6 oz. buggers that have no business in a single man's cupboard).