84th Ask Josh – Family Problems

In Uncategorized on December 30, 2008 at 8:54 am

Janna said…


Why is it that familys hurt you the most?




Dear Janna,


I have put this question off for some time now.  I am not going to try to offer you a solution, just an explanation, because that’s what you asked for.


I haven’t given this topic much thought. In fact, I have avoided thinking about it altogether.  As far as domestic abuse goes, there are few subjects about which I know less.  So instead of trying to concoct an idealist answer reflecting my ignorance and naiveté on the subject, I just put this one off.


I guess our family members have the ability to hurt us the most because we trust them the most.  When we love or trust anyone, we put them in a position of power. In effect, we give them authority to rend us. We become vulnerable. It’s a risk we run in hope that our love will be requited. C.S. Lewis put it this way:


"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one.” [The Four Loves, 169]


Families, or anyone we love, hurt us the most because we trust them not to.  When they betray that trust, it cuts especially deep.  It reminds me of Antony’s speech in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. After Caesar’s death, Antony said of all the stabs Caesar endured at the hands of his assassins, the stab from Brutus, his friend, was the killing wound. Antony said this:


For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar's angel:

Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him!

This was the most unkindest cut of all;

For when the noble Caesar saw him stab,

Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms,

Quite vanquish'd him: then burst his mighty heart;

O, what a fall was there, my countrymen! [Act III, scene ii]


And Brutus had good intentions. He thought he was doing Caesar’s will. He thought he was doing what was best for Rome.  Our loved ones might have the best of intentions, as opposed to others who may spitefully attack us, yet it still hurts worse to receive accidental harm at the hands of those whom we love.


Now I gotta run. Jake and I are going skiing.

Happy New Years.



  1. Hi Josh,If you could go anywhere in the world tomorrow, without cost, where would you go?

  2. In short, it’s cause deep down they mean the most to us. The end.*muah*P.S. If you had the power to give a million dollars to anyone on the world (aside from yourself) who would you give it too and why? – Linze Kate

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