joshguessed

76th Ask Josh – Weird It

In Uncategorized on December 15, 2008 at 12:00 am

Dear Josh,
How much of an age difference can a couple have without it being weird??
….
Dear Anonymous,
With you, it will always be weird. Partly because anything known as an “it” is weird. So no degree of age proximity will make “it” any less weird. And also, you don’t exist. That will complicate your relationship for alway.
I have heard a very opinionated girl [looks briefly at Lindsay] say that the legal standard is half of the man’s age plus 7 years.  So, in theory, if I am 22, which I am, I am allowed to date girls who have attained unto the age of 18.  When I am 30, I will be allowed to date a 22-year old; when 40, I can date a 27-year old. But I just don’t buy that.  Because using that system, I would have had to go on my first date with a 15-year old (and that’s against the rules).  And if I had decided to date when I was 10, I would have had to date a girl who was 2 years my senior.  So the system is obviously broken. And if I was 10,000,000,000 years old, in theory I could date a girl that was 5,000,000,007. That’s nearly 5 billion years younger than me! Pardon my saying so, but that’s an entire geological era.  You can’t say that dating someone nearly 5 billion years younger than you isn’t creepy.  That’s worse than Ben Folds’ The Luckiest when he talks about being 50 years older than the girl who rides past his house on her bike.  And since Ben Folds wrote it, people say that he is an exception because  his creepy song is “like sooo sweet.”
Some people have been able to make it over the age hurdle.  Examples include:
Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas.
Catherine Zeta Jones was born in 1969, making her 39 years old. Now, we all know that Michael Douglas is the son of Kirk Douglas, who is Spartacus.  Spartacus was born in 109 BC, and Michael Douglas is 28 years younger than his dad, meaning he must have been born in 76 BC, making him 2032 years old.  Kudos to them.
Kate and Leopold
Meg Ryan was 40 years old when the movie came out in 2001, Hugh Jackman’s body was only 32 years old in appearance, but he had the 125 additional years from coming from the year 1876, they had a total difference of 117 years.  And women love it! They eat it up!
Celine Dion and Mr. Celine Dion
Celine Dion is 40 this year. Her husband, Rene Angelil is 66.  If we used the half-your-age-plus-7, they would have passed at this point.  But they were married in 1994, meaning she was 26 and he was 52. She was half his age! So I guess love knows no age boundaries.
But then again… that’s weird. And so are you, you anonymous, androgynous, impossible-to-identify specter of the blogosphere.
Happy 2nd day of Chanukah. 

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  1. How come you arbitrarily skip people’s questions?

  2. Ok Josh, I have a question…Can I ask you a favor? I don’t know if you got my facebook message but I need your help promoting a new site for spreading the gospel- sounds dorky, i know. ha ha. But if you could offer a link or a friendly post that would be great.The site is AboutTheMormons.com. I know you have a great readership on GuestMusings and there’s quite a few people who follow your blog so it would be great exposure if you could help me out.Thanks man. I hope you have a merry Christmas.

  3. you’re all wrong. you do not ‘have’ to date someone half your age plus six, that is just the absolute absolute youngest you can go. furthermore, for the strength of the youth is authorized by the prophet of the lord and obviously trumps this. yes this theorem breaks down at the extremes (i.e. when you are 10 the youngest you can date is a 12 year old, the 5 billion year age gap, etc.) however, you can’t date at 12 anyways (see afore mention prophet trump card) and humans don’t live to 10 billion years old.in a few days you will be exactly 22 and 8 months. meaning, the youngest girl you can date would have turned 18 this summer. too bad, you just missed high school prom by a few months josh!however, i would not recommend dating at the furthest possible extreme. although the rule allows for men in their forties to date women in their twenties, it’s still kinda creepy.mr. and mrs. celine dion’s relationship can never be ok (although they have finally crossed into an ok zone) because their relationship began before it was ok. which was a mistake on their part because now they are doomed forever.

  4. You two are perfect for each other, totally full of your high-headed, worthless opinions of trite things. Add that to the favorite comment list.

  5. i’ll will have to agree with you josh dating older which is 20 years and so forth is a disturbing thing to cause that person they are dating is old enough to be there dad or there mom. But people do have there opinions. But of course i would stick to someone close to your age.

  6. I like the theory although I realize that Josh couldn’t care less about my opinion.

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