37th Ask Josh – Middle Names

In Uncategorized on October 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Jessie kay said….

what do you have against middle names?! sheesh!
anonymous said…
Yes, why can’t your girls have middle names?
Dear Jessie Kay and Anonymous,
First, I would not take this personally.  To me, Jessie Kay is not a first name followed by a middle name.  It is a two-word first name.  Or a two-syllable, one-word first name with a space inserted. 
And Anonymous shouldn’t take it personally either, as Anonymous has decided to go without a middle or a last name.  Anonymous is one of those artists with just a single name who move throughout history gaining renown while never having their surname mentioned.  Examples include Shakira, Jewel, Cher, Madonna, Prince, Aaliyah, Eminem, Bjork, Beck, Enya, Seal, Selena and recently Beyonce and Janet both made the transition.
That group alone justifies, if not necessitates, doing away not only with middle names, but last names, too!
Oprah has also rid herself of her other names.  And she is one of the most influential people in the world according to the most easily influenced people in the world.
Why can’t girls have middle names?  It causes too much stress during one of the potentially more stressful periods of her life: early marriage. How so? When a girl has a first name, a middle name (or sometimes even two middle names…oh yeah, I’ve seen them), a maiden name (also sometimes two, especially in Latin America), and her spouse’s name, she has to make a terrible choice.  Which I will put forth:
1. Keep all four names: Jana Jessica Jingleheimer Schmidt
2. Drop her maiden name and risk offending her folks: Jana Jessica Schmidt
3. Keep her maiden name and not taking her husband’s name and risk offending her husband.  Picture this, “Hello, My name is Jana Jessica Jingleheimer and this is my husband, John Jacob Schmidt. Oh, don’t worry, we really are married.”
4. Combine her maiden name and her husband’s name with one of those dashes: Jana Jessica Jingleheimer-Schmidt.
5. Drop all but the first name and be just Jana.
With all those stressful possible name combinations, I believe parents do a disservice to a daughter by making her carry around that middle name then force her to choose whether to keep it or lose it when she has plenty of name problems without it.
But, that’s just me. 
I would take longer to expound upon this topic, but I am on a deadline for this question.  Those who anticipate this post are getting antsy, namely you.
Have a great day.
  1. BA HA HA HA.. Josh you crack me up. =] Thanks for the explanation. I feel better now. ahahaha….

  2. I beg to differ. If girls would just follow the rules, they’d take their husband’s name and get rid of their maiden name completely. It’s not an insult to the family name, that’s just the way it works. I’m fully prepared to let a very classy name like ‘Hawkins’ go, even if it is to take something like ‘Hegerhorst’ or ‘Hettingsbottom’. I’m grateful I didn’t grow up with and awkward and boring space between my first and last name, or people asking me why I’m missing a middle name. Admittedly, I am a little biased considering I have the coolest middle name ever. You must concur.

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