joshguessed

35th Ask Josh – Cyber Dating

In Uncategorized on October 19, 2008 at 8:46 am

Miss K said…


josh. what is your opinion of technology dating……you know, getting to know someone through the internet, texting, phone calls, etc? can you form a real relationship and learn enough about a person that way?

……….

Dear Miss K,

Before I begin, let me say that I give this as my opinion.  You asked for it.

Ok, here goes…

The only happy endings I have seen to online dating stories have been in the commercials for e-harmony.com.  I have never heard of a mentally stable person and another mentally stable person finding each other and forming a relationship through the internet.  Sifting through all the fake online aliases for a suitable mate is like sifting through the thousands of junk mail I receive in order to find the one legitimate ad that really will allow me to get a real MBA online, or a free $18,000 Rolex, or herbal supplements at wholesale prices.  You might think, “There are so many emails in my junk box, statistically there must be one good one in there.” There isn’t.

No, looking for love online is looking for love in the wrong place.

Read this excerpt of a letter from one brother to another, written November 4, 1851. The brother wanted to get out of town and look for work someplace.  He thought the grass would be greener on the other side.  Here is what the wise brother said:

“Dear Brother:
…What can you do in Missouri better than here? Is the land richer? Can you there, any more than here, raise corn and wheat and oats without work? Will anybody there, any more than here, do your work for you? If you intend to go to work, there is no better place than right where you are; if you do not intend to go to work you cannot get along anywhere.  Squirming and crawling about from place to place can do no good.
Now do not misunderstand this letter.  I do not write it in any unkindness.  I write it in order, if possible, to get you to face the truth, which truth is, you are destitute because you have idled away all your time.  Your thousand pretenses for not getting along better are all nonsense; they deceive nobody but yourself. Go to work is the only cure for your case.
Sincerely yours,
A. Lincoln”

I didn’t include the last paragraph of Lincoln’s letter as a rebuke or to have any accusatory connotation.  I want you to focus on what he said that “squirming and crawling about from place to place can do no good.”  Especially squirming and crawling about the internet.

But then again, it’s easy for me to say that.  I’m in the dating and marriage capitol of the world.  There may well be some very suitable mates out there who have legitimately searched their community and can find no love, and the perfect person for them may be looking for them online.  It sounds like a wonderful exception to the rule.  How often can that exception occur? I can’t say.

Well, that’s my opinion on online dating.  Good luck.

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  1. i think you focused on the wrong thing. you see people want me to get to know someone from a distance, and through texting and emails. it’s quite interesting i must say. what’s your opinion on that?

  2. i have to agree w/ josh on that.. There are so many people getting hurt because they think its safe to just dish out so much information of themselves and not knowing the fact of the person by picture which amuses them happens to be a fake and a stalker craving to get what they want by using a picture they pulled from images they see on the net and change there whole information on who they really are. One night i was watching the news and myspace.com appeared and they told so many stories of predators that have entered the site and so many ppl have died or got raped and so forth just because they thought the person was real that they have fallen in love with that image.

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