20th Ask Josh – Dating Faux Pies.

In Uncategorized on September 13, 2008 at 11:14 am

Lindsay writes:

because you said you’ve been short on questions:

i’d like a list of the ten worst things a guy can do on a date, accompanied by the a list of the ten worst things a girl could do on a date.

should be entertaining, i can’t wait.


I rather like your timing for this one.  For our 20th Ask Josh we will be discussing the 20 worst things that can be done on a date by boys and girls.

My dad told me to go out with at least 25 girls before I got married.  Not to boast, but I have taken that number to well over 50, and I am still not married.

Let me just say that I have enjoyed every date that I have ever been on.  I don’t know that I have ever returned from a night on the town saying, “Gee, I sure was miserable.”

But here are a few things that could have been left out by either me or the girl I was with:

First, me:
1. Being stupid enough to pick my nose, and dumb enough to get caught, and not only caught, but caught giving myself a bloody nose in so doing.
2. Pushing the girl down a hill in an attempt to liven things up a bit.
3. Eating a live cricket in front of a live audience.
4. Eating chicken hearts at Tucanos long after the date had already stopped eating.
5. Patting the girl on the belly at the end of the night instead of hugging.
6. Memorizing the answers to the newspaper crossword puzzle then pretending to know the answers as we go over it together.
7. Refusing to touch the steering wheel and letting the car drift until she takes the wheel herself.
8. Letting someone set you up on a blind date and then let him plan the date which turns out to be hot tubbing (in my defense, we did not go through with the hot tubbing, but it did put us in an uncomfortable position).
9. Rolling around in wet grass and then hugging the date specifically after she told you not to touch her because I pushed her down the hill in an attempt to liven things up a bit.
10. Toilet papering her house with tons and tons of paper and putting it so high in the trees that it is impossible to get out, and doing all this just before her sister is supposed to have her wedding reception at the house.

Honorable mention: Asking her out over the intercom when she already was planning on going with someone else that night.

Now, the ladies.  You may note that some of these don’t even actually happen on the date itself.  But I will try to be as specific as I can without giving away the identity of the offending parties:
1. Setting a date for 2:00 in the afternoon, yet staying up so late that she actually slept through our afternoon date.
2. Calling and canceling 40 minutes before the date starts.
3. After being asked out, saying, “I’ll think about it and get back to you” thus rendering me unable to ask out anyone else in the meantime, and then the night of the date saying you can’t make it.
4. Leaving in the middle of the date to go with friends.
5. Going in for the kiss on a first date.
6. Interrupting the date to make me go help her herd cattle on her farm (actually that was pretty fun.  But it sure sounded bad on paper).
7. Ordering a lot more food than originally planned then not eating hardly any of it and not even taking the leftovers to go.
8. Kissing the guy who is doubling with us.
9. Texting to cancel just an hour before the date.
10. Complaining about ex-boyfriends.

Honorable mention: Bringing her 14-year old brother with her (this isn’t really as bad as it sounds, because we had planned on doubling, but the other couple fell through, so I brought my brother too. The two younger brothers came in quite handy actually when we had to go herd the cattle. And we had a great time.  And I think those two may or may not have kissed).
Honorable mention: Cuddling with the guy who is on the other side of her as we watch the movie.
Honorable mention: Leaving me at the dance to dance with other guys (don’t ask guys to your prom if you’re not going to dance with them)
Honorable mention: Going to a casino and gambling.

Readers, I know you all have some really good stories yourself.  Please feel free to contribute them.  We wanna hear’em.
  1. the prompt was 10 worst things a guy can do, not the 10 worst things YOU have done. and likewise for the girls. my memory is terrible, but i suspect i might be somewhere on that list.

  2. Josh, how do I get friends?

  3. if you could do one positive thing that completely changes the world what would it be

  4. Josh, how do I get dates?

  5. Hey, I kissed a guy on the first date, and we ended up getting married, so it can’t be all that bad can it?! (oh, also, it was the first time we met too)One time, a date said he’d make me dinner, so I got all dolled up and ready to go, and he showed up and said, uh, can we cook it here? That was kinda awkward because my roommates were hanging out in the livingroom.

  6. A guy took me on a date to see some friends of his play in a band. Then he ditched me and hung out with all his other friends that came too. The one and only time i’ve texted on a date. I was so bored and lonely sitting by myself. And then he took me to his house to watch a movie and invited some friends and then once again ditched me. By ditched, he sat on a different couch then me, left me on the opposite sides of the rooms, and didn’t talk to me at all. 😦

  7. Oh my, dear brother! Have you ever had a 2nd date with a girl? I can’t say I’m surprised by your list…you’re a funny guy

  8. That’s so funny Josh. It cracked us up.

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