joshguessed

9th Ask Josh – Wedding day plans

In Uncategorized on August 4, 2008 at 12:52 am

Anonymous writes:

Dearest Josh, I recently returned from a close friends wedding and was wondering your perspective on how to most effectively use the time in between the wedding and the reception.

……..

Dear Anonymous,

My perspective on how to most effectively use the time in between the wedding and the reception? To quote Christopher Walken, “I have a question for you: you oughta be ashamed of yourself.”

I assume you mean the reception that takes place not but 2 to 3 hours after the wedding ceremony, because you can’t possibly believe that I could have planned a full week of effective time use for the reception intended the week after the wedding.

Nevertheless, I have come to the conclusion that board games are perhaps the best way to get the ball rolling once vows have been exchanged. Allow me to illustrate:

I would have to say a rousing game of backgammon would be in order, I think it would be appropriate because neither member would know what they were doing. Some couple engage in backgammon before they are married. While I do not judge them, I dare say that I would never have even dared to go so far as to read a backgammon instruction manual, let alone touch the board or play it. To them, the sweet mystery of backgammon will not be the surprise it perhaps might have been.

Having gotten backgammon out of the way, I think it best that the newlyweds do some estate planning. Since the poor young loves will have no money, it will profit them little to see a lawyer to have a will and trust drawn out, as the accumulation of assets and the insertion of unmentioned children into the family will inevitably lead to a painful probate once the now newlyweds are deceased. So I believe a game of speed Monopoly would do them well to see how they budget and whether the woman will go out and spend $75 on Luxury Tax every time she wins $15 for getting 2nd place in a beauty contest. You have to keep track of expenses.

A game of chess would make for a good first fight.

A game of Chinese Checkers will help them see what the other will be like while dealing with other cultures should the couple ever decided to travel the world.

Trivial Pursuit will help set the tone for all the conversations they’ll have about nothing for the next 70 or so years.

On a personal note, I would love nothing better than to play a game of Settlers of Catan, call me old fashioned, but I just would be content to build my little house at the side of a road where I can collect a wheat and two woodsen every time an 8 is rolled, and I could spend my time chasing filthy robbers off my property every time a seven is rolled. And everytime someone says they’ll give me just one rock in exchange for my precious wheat, I’ll tell them, “You can go eat rocks.”

Yes, life is a game. May as well get good at it early. Happy backgammoning.

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  1. Josh Guest, I love you.I like the Settlers of Catan idea. I’m writing that one down.

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