8th Ask Josh – Cardboard Clothing

In Uncategorized on July 30, 2008 at 8:03 am

Sam said…
Dear Josh,Is a cardboard box considered clothing? If so, in what regions?


Dear Sam,

A cardboard box is not clothing, but it has many times been my clothing. When you talk about regions it becomes more difficult to be specific.

My personal history with cardboard clothing goes back to my childhood when we first started playing paintball as brothers. We didn’t know how badly a paintball would hurt until after we had purchased our guns online and were unable to track down the seller to ask for a refund. So we sought out to build armor. It consisted mostly of cardboard boxes packed with pillows and cardboard wrapped around our arms with plastic soda bottle with the ends cut off to hold the cardboard armor in place.

As elaborate and as knightly our armor appeared, the high speed gelatinous projectiles were nevertheless as painful as ever, and I have since retired from the sport and sold all appurtenances thereto.

One of the first affluential people to ever don paper products was of course, the Paper Bag Princess.

You ask in what regions is a cardboard box considered clothing, well, this isn’t exactly cardboard. But if you look carefully, it seems to be considered clothing over the region of the shoulders and lower mid-section.

If you look at the prophetic, futuresque clothing of the year 2000 as portrayed in Flight of the Conchords, you will see that in the future year of 2000 in the regions of New York and New Zealand, and perhaps every other region with the word “New” at the beginning, such as New Hampshire, New Brunswick, New Jersey, New England, New Spice, Newhampton, Newkinghamshire, the New World, and suchlike.

I hope this has been an enlightening to your otherwise ambiguous (and stinky) question. In summation, a cardboard box is clothing over the anatomical “region” of whatever would be considered indecent if exposed in public, it does not count as clothing if on arms as I mentioned earlier in the paintball story. If on arms, it is armor. If on legs, it is legor. If on feet, it would be considered shoes by Howard Hughes only. For geographical regions it would be considered clothing anywhere with New in the name. For time, it can only be considered clothing if it is in the future, preferrably the year 2000.

  1. Dearest Josh, I recently returned from a close friends wedding and was wondering your perspective on how to most effectively use the time in between the wedding and the reception.

  2. Hey gurl, when are you going to put your race on youtube, and the video about your date too?

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