joshguessed

Words of Comfort to a Nurse

In Uncategorized on July 18, 2008 at 11:11 am

A certain nurse, or medical technician assistant, or some kind of young medical person texted me this morning fretting over her first time lancing a boil all by herself. She had done similar procedures before with supervision and help. But the doctor was out of town today. So she had to take it upon herself to destroy the offending boil from the old lady’s (I don’t know if it is an old lady, I just imagine it that way. I figure old ladies get a lot of boils) body.

I received this text from the medicine practitioner we shall call Ashlyn. Note: I added some stuff.

Ashlyn: “Josh I am freaking out about this procedure by myself. Say something comforting. LOL JK TTYL.”

Me: “A botched boil is not life-threatening. And you are a very fine person.”

Me: “Is a botched boil life threatening? I wonder if Malt O’ Meal makes their own big bag version of Cream of Wheat. Maybe Mythbusters will try to debunk the lethal botched boil legend if you submit it to them. They are doing all viewers’ requests next month.”

Nigel Lythgoe from “So You Think You Can Dance”: “I sawrs it arn the Discuvvry channole. It warsn’t dancing, it wozz mo like four nerds hitting awrn a short red-headed Cat Deeley.”

Me: “I don’t think nurses can get sued for malpractice.”

Me: “You think Lindsay Lohan could be a nurse if she just applied herself a little more in school? If so, then mmmmm boy!”

Ashlyn: “I can’t get sued but its an extremly [sic] vascular are[a] and the last thing I want is blood spuing [sic] everywhere.”

Mary from “So You Think You Can Dance.”: “Well I’m an expert on blood spewing everywhere and that puts you back on the Hot Tamale Train. WOOOOOO!”

Josh: “Tell the patient to hold their breath and then ice their whole body down. Then they will be as if dead. And dead men don’t bleed. Or so I’m told.”

Nigel: “I told you that. And your name isn’t Sex. It’s David.”

David: “I believe in myself, and my dreams. I am a dancer.”

Nigel: “No, you’re not.”

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  1. Thank you by the way sir.

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