One night in an an old person condo.

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2008 at 12:21 am

I currently am across the street from the Church Administration Building and Temple Square.  I never knew that one could find temporary lodgings just next to the Conference Center.  I won’t lie, the place is very nice.  In fact, it looks like the kind of place an old person would live in who was in denial about the fact that they should be in a nursing home.  Notwithstanding there are many great bonuses included with this room, Lowell John and I have been here for nought but two hours and we are already out of ideas of what to do here.  Since I arrived here at 10:30 pm on a Saturday night, it was too late for us to go out and try to find food.  I had a late lunch and therefore went without dinner.  

In our starving condition we were forced to sustain ourselves on a Crystal Lite concentrate, since we didn’t have a pitcher to make the 2 quart yield, we split the powder into two glasses.  The concoction was of such strength that I rediscovered all the open sores that have ever been in my mouth.  The pain was tremendous.  There was also a 1/2 quart container of various melon, primarily cantaloupe and honeydew, and a single grape.  Knowing that we would be unable to shop or otherwise obtain food the entire next day, I took one piece of honeydew and decided to conserve the rest for the next 36 hours of contingent sustenance.
After exhausting our food reserves, Lowell and I tried to find activities to entertain us that did not involve food, for we had none.  Being in a temporary lodging for old people, we had to get creative and use only the old-people items.  We did the following:
Gargled the bottle of distilled water that was intended for the iron. (Who actually uses distilled water for their iron?)
Folded the movie rental guide into a paper airplane and tried to throw it from across the hall into the toilet bowl directly at the end.
Blasphemed the Gideons’ Bible.
Rubbed the makeup remover towelettes on our bare faces.  The resulting burning thereafter was tremendous.
After fishing the paper airplane out of the toilet, Lowell started throwing it into other glass objects.  Then he went back to desecrating and blaspheming the Gideons’ Bible.
Tore the phonebook with our bare hands.
Made play clothes out of the curtains just like on the Sound of Music.
Made our voices sound like Darth Vader by talking into the fan.  
Lowell started throwing the plane into the fan.
Finally found a pitcher to make the lemonade in.
Made the coffee.
Made the tea as well.
Tied the clothes hangers to floss and used our beds as boats and went fishing for miscellany strewn upon the ground (the sea).
Texted my fashion consultant/wedding planner at 1:00 am.
In conclusion, I believe a life spent this way every night in addition to days filled with golf, bingo, bocce ball, fishing, puzzles, games involved with dominoes, wearing shoes with velcro straps, driving very slowly, criticizing modern music, and eating cups of vitamin tablets, is really the best way to spend the golden years of my life.

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